Bumper Stickers - Funny Bumper Stickers from Around the World

* He who laughs last thinks slowest.

* Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

* Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

* Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

* It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

* Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

* I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

* Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

* Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.

* There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

* Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

* Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

* Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

* Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.

* OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?

* Few women admit their age; Fewer men act theirs.

* I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

* Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.

* Time is the best teacher, unfortunately it kills all of its students.

* Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.

* Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.

* A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

* We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things got worse.

* Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

* Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

* Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?

* Assist the Police -- Beat yourself up!

* Vehicle secured by mafia: You hit our car, we hit your car.

* Don't steal, the Government hates competition.

* Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

* What is a "free" gift ? Aren't all gifts free?

* Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.

* I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.

* Promote pork, run over a chicken! *

* < < - - suicide .... . . .... passing side - - >

* I brake for hallucinations.

* Yes, as a matter of fact, I do own the whole damn road!

* Honk if you understand punctuated equilibrium.

* Wanna get stoned? Drink Wet Cement!

* Thanks for not BREEDING!

* My Child Can Beat Up Your Honor Student.

* Don't Laugh - Your Daughter Might Be In Here. (On Old Truck)

* Cats Flattened While You Watch.

* I May Be Fat but You're Ugly - and I Can Lose Weight.

* My Other Car is a Broom.

* "Happiness is your Mother-In-Law's Picture on the Back of a Milk Carton"

* Stupid People Shouldn't Breed.

* Have You Flogged Your Crew Today?

* Husbands Are Proof That Women Have a Sense of Humor.

* Eat American Lamb. Ten Million Coyotes Can't be Wrong.

* Old Skiers Never Die. They Just go Downhill.

* Money Isn't Everything, But it Sure Keeps the Kids In Touch.

* My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

* Hug Your Kids at Home and Belt Them in the Car.

* Welcome to Colorado - Now Go Home

* Smile - Its The Second Best Thing you can do with Your Lips.

* Don't Honk - I'm Pedaling as Fast as I Can

* This Vehicle Swerves and Hits Pedestrians at Random

* Black Holes Suck.

* Lobotomies for Republicans - It's the Law

* I Love My Country - But Fear My Government

* If you don't like the way I drive, get the fu*k off the sidewalk.

* My honor student will be your kid's boss. And payback's a BITCH!

* My child was Inmate of the Month at County Jail

* Don't like my driving? Build your own fucking highway!

* My daughter is student of the month at State Prison Fire Fighters School

* Whoever said money can't buy happiness doesn't know where to shop

* Happiness can't buy money

* CAUTION - BLIND DRIVER

* Got a gun for my wife.........best trade I ever made

* If they outlaw guns, can we use swords?

* Warning: Driver only carries $20.00 worth of ammunition!

* Gun control is hitting what you shoot at

* I wonder if you could drive any better if that car phone was up your ass!

* Honk if you're over insured

* Hope you don't screw like you park, you'd never get it in!

* If you parked any closer I'd need a can opener to get out!

* Don't Like My Driving? Dial 1-800-EAT-SHIT

* FEED THE HOMELESS, TO THE HUNGRY

* What a lovely day, now watch some bastard come and spoil it!

* It's not my driving, I'm trying to reload

* Don't drink and drive...you might hit a bump and spill your drink

* Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?

* Jesus saves...by shopping wisely and using coupons

* Save the trees, wipe your butt with an owl.

* Constant change is here to stay

* CAUTION: I drive like you do.

* Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

* Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

* I'm the guy your parents warned you about.

* Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

* Most people make sense. I'm not one of them.

* I'm not a complete Idiot, some parts are missing.

* You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

* Couldn't afford to fix my brakes, so I made my horn louder.

* Public opinion is what people think other people are thinking.

* Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

* Of course I'm Drunk...Do I Look like a Bloody Stunt Driver?

* STOP GLOBAL WHINING

* Drive safely: heaven's full

* Too close for missiles: Switching to guns.

* I love pigeons... I mean squab...

* Horn broken: Watch for finger.

* So many pedestrians, so little time.

* No radio, already stolen.

* Roses are red Violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, And so am I

* Depression is merely anger without the enthusiasm

* I may be slow but at least I'm ahead of you!

* FIGHT for the RIGHTS of bacteria! - it's the only culture some people have

* Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery

* My kid gave your honor student the answers to the final exam!

* I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

* I considered atheism but there weren't enough holidays.

* Me a skeptic? I hope you have proof.

* Personally, I'm not gifted, I'm weird.

* To err is human, to moo, bovine.

* If at first you don't succeed, to hell with it.

* Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid doing altogether.

* Don't you just hate rhetorical questions?

* No electrons were harmed in the creation of this message.

* Tell me what you believe and I'll tell you where you're going wrong.

* If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

* If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

* Life takes its toll. Bring change.

* Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

* Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege.

* The facts, though interesting, are irrelevant.

* Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.

* The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.

* I put the "fun" in dysfunctional.

* I don't live in fantasy; I only work there.

* Last night as I lay in bed looking at the stars I thought: "Where the hell is the ceiling?!"

* Now Accepting Compliments

* If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

* Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

* Put on your seatbelt... I wanna try something.

* There's no future in time travel.

* Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.

* Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

* Death is hereditary.

* I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

* Multitasking - screwing up several things at once.

* Beat the 5 o'clock rush - Leave work at noon!

* Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

* Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

* Polynesia: memory loss in parrots.

* Join the Army, meet interesting people, and kill them.

* Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

* For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

* OK, so what's the speed of dark?

* Black holes are where God divided by zero.

* All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

* There's an exception to every rule, except this one.

* Lost your cat? Look under my tires.

* (Written in really tiny writing) Nosey little fucker, aren't you?

* I do what the voices in my head tell me.

* In God we trust. All others we monitor.

* The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

* Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

* A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

* Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.

* If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.

* Work is for people who don't know how to fish.

* As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

* I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather ... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

* I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.

* I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

* It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

* I souport publik edukayshun

* I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles.

* Life's a bitch. So am I.

* I'm only driving this way to piss you off.

* I love cats, they taste just like chicken.

* Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and for profit.

* Thank God I'm an Atheist

* God doesn't believe in Atheists.

* Friends don't let friends drive naked.

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