Important Rules for Writers

1. Avoid "overuse" "of" "quotation marks" !
2. a sentence should begin with a capital letter and end with punctuation
3. Also too, never, ever, ever be redundantly repetitive; basically don't use more words than are essentially necessary; it's highly superfluous.
4. Also, always avoid all awkward and affected alliteration.
5. Always pick on the correct idiom.
6. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
7. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
8. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
9. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
10. Avoid using sesquipedalian words.
11. Be careful to use the rite homonym.
12. Be carefully to use adjectives and adverbs correct.
13. Be more or less specific.
14. Bee careful two use the write homonym.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
17. Correct speling is esential.
18. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
19. Do not put statements in the negative form.
20. DO NOT use exclamation points and all caps to emphasize !!!!!!!
21. Don't never use no double negatives.
22. Don't use no double negatives.
23. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical
24. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
25. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
26. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
27. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
28. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
29. Hunt High and Low and Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
30. Hyphenate between sy-llables and avoid un-necessary hyphens.
31. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
32. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
33. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
34. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
35. No sentence fragments.
36. One should NEVER generalize.
37. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
38. Only Proper Nouns should be capitalized.
39. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
40. Perform a functional iterative analysis on your work to root out third generation transitional buzzwords.
41. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
42. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
43. Profanity is for assholes; it makes writing crappy.
44. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
45. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
46. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.
47. The adverb always follows the verb.
48. The passive voice should never be used.
49. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth shaking ideas.
50. Use hyphens in compound-words, not just where two-words are related.
51. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
52. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
53. Usually, you should be more or less specific.
54. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
55. Who needs rhetorical questions?
56. words however should be enclosed in commas.
57. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.

Back to the Humour Page