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Extracts from Resignation Letters
Where can I get a new Job ? First you have to write your
resignation letter and tell your boss to get lost, these are ways
other people quit their jobs.
Dear Mr.Chambers,
I Quit !
An offer of 1 million pounds plus free sex with a
page three girl could not convince me to stay with
your company. A position of junior goat herder in
Mongolia would be a more positive career step, than
staying here.
What a shame. Our group have worked well, but, yet
have been criminally overlooked.
Finally: If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Signed,
K. Simpson
FAO : Lisa S. Bramer
Please take note of the fact that I am hereby tendering
my resignation from ***, effective, September 1, 2000.
While I have a high degree of personal respect for you
and the opportunities you have offered me, I am no longer
comfortable working for a technology organization largely
populated by politocrats, vengeful rivalries, and fiefdoms
reminiscent of imperial Chinese literature. In fact, I dare
say that I would rather be tied in a leather bag with ravenous,
rabid ocelots than remain at this company any longer than
the next two weeks.
It was my sincere hope that the reptilian extraterrestrial
tyrants who clandestinely own and operate the Technology Group
would reveal themselves during my tenure here, but it appears
they are far cannier then I ever gave them credit for. Hopefully,
their insidious plot to befoul the Americanfinancial industry with
foolish and ill-advised technology policies will eventually be
revealed, but until then it seems their plans may march on uncontested.
I give you due credit, for choosing to remain here to fight this
hideous alien menace from within.
God's speed, and may the Force be with you.
Sincerely,
Tom Flander
Dear Editor,
I would like to confirm my status as the latest rodent to vacate
your increasingly
leaky vessel.
Yours,
Harold Jameson
Mr. X,
As an employee of an institution of higher education,I have a few
very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct
superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground
squirrel. After your consistent and annoyingharassment of myself
and my co-workers during the commission of our duties, I can only
surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.
Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little
nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into
my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious
oxygen.
I was hired because I know about Unix, and you were apparently hired
to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you
vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the
hundredth time. You will never understand computers. Something as
incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will
also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try
and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as
effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has
more personality than you ever will. You walk around the building
all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp
dressed useless look about you that may have worked for yourinterview,
but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off
onoverworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring
ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green
algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a
sad proof of the Dilbert principle.
Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full
frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however
I have a few parting thoughts.
Regards,
Jan Van Bronkel
Dear Unpersonable B*tch
As per the piece of crap I signed on my first day of this dreaded job,
I hereby give 2 minutesnotice of myintention to leave this awful company.
I want to thank you for all you have not done for me in my employment here.
It has been sheer torture working for you and representing this crappy
company. It is now time for me to move on and I have accepted a position
as a garbage person. This decision was quite easy and took little
consideration.
However, I am confident that this new role represents a step up from this
piece of crap job. I wish the company would go to pieces and hope one day
you too will realise that you cannot manage your way out of a paper bag.
Glad to be gone,
Jenna Anderson
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