Scientific Excuses
These Are a collection of scientifically proven facts which can be used as an excuse or a supplimentary part of an excuse.
Excuse to work less: If your father tells you it wouldn't kill you to work a little harder, point him to this:
A study by Guys and St. Thomas' hospitals in London investigated the lifestyles of 700 men. The ones who had suffered heart attacks had spent more time at work. Those laboring 60 or more hours had twice the risk of men toiling fewer than 40 hours.
Excuse not to marry: Just pick up the March issue of Cosmopolitan. According to a poll in the magazine, there's a lot of extramarital nookie going on. A whopping 59 percent of ladies admit they cheat, and so do 55 percent of so-called gents.
The statistics get even uglier, enough to shake any marriage-minded lover. Thirty percent of men and 23 percent of women have had sex with a friend of their girlfriend or boyfriend. Moreover, nearly 70 percent of both genders say they've lied about past sexual romps.
Excuse to drink beer: Dutch researchers believe they have proved that beer in moderation is better for men than red wine or other alcoholic beverages when it comes to preventing heart disease or even cancer.
The Dutch Nutrition and Food Research Institute studied 111 men and concluded that beer contains vitamin B6, which prevents the build up the chemical homocysteine, believed to be one of factors in heart disease. Wine and spirits did not have this effect to the same extent, they said.
Excuse to drink beer on dates: Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder, according to the research by Scottish psychologist Barry Jones.
In a study involving 80 Glasgow University students, he found men and women who had consumed a moderate amount of alcohol found the faces of the opposite sex 25 percent more attractive than their sober counterparts.
While the "beer goggles" concept is hardly a surprise to any drinker, it's nice to back that up with scientific research.
Excuse to stay in bed: Scientists have long known that adequate sleep is important for memory. Now German scientists are saying sleep is critical even for motor skills as simple as finger tapping.
Scientists writing in The Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences taught students different finger-tapping sequences. Students who got eight hours sleep performed 35 percent faster and made 30 percent fewer errors than those who didn't get sleep.
If you can trust kids to tap their fingers on short rest, I'll just stay home and play tiddlywinks.
Excuse to sleep on the couch: Good rest is critical to good health, and where do married men get their best rest? According to customer surveys from furniture giant Ikea, 72 percent of men claim they sleep better on the couch, as opposed to 27 percent who sleep best next to their wife.
Excuse to read in the bathroom: Some say it's bad manners. Some say it's uncleanly. Nevertheless, everybody's doing it. Research from the Quilted Northern toilet paper company reveals that 92 percent of Americans regularly read in the bathroom. The survey also shows that 48 percent of users spend potty time talking on the phone. Another 3 percent write letters on the commode.
Excuse for women to have sex: Women sprinters who have sex before competition generally perform better, top German trainer Uwe Hakus said. "We have scientific evidence that women who have sex shortly before competing run better. It boosts performance," he said. "With women, the testosterone levels rise when they have sex."
Unfortunately, Hakus says, male testosterone levels fall after sex, slowing them down.
Excuse not to mow the lawn: Kids, I know you love to help in the yard. But you should remind Mom and Dad that more than 9,400 youngsters under 18 that receive emergency care because of lawnmower-related injuries.
The American Academy of Pediatrics says children under 12 should not operate walk-behind power or hand mowers. And you shouldn't go near a riding mower until you're 16. I know you want to help, but safety first.
Excuse to chew gum: Chewing gum makes you smarter. Researchers at England's University of Northumbria concluded that chewing gum has a positive effect on cognitive tasks such as thinking and memory. Peppermint or spearmint? It doesn't make a difference. The key, researchers say, is the repetitive chewing motion.
Excuse not to kiss your sister: Little boys hate to kiss their sisters. Now there's scientific justification — they smell.
In fact, all family members smell bad to one another, according to a team of scientists at Wayne State University in Detroit.
Researchers recruited 25 families with children aged between 6 and 15 and gave them T-shirts. They were later asked to sniff two T-shirts, one worn by a family member and another worn by a stranger. The results: Volunteers far preferred the smell of the stranger's shirt.
Why do people seem to think their families stink? Scientists concluded it might be nature's way of discouraging siblings from being attracted to one another.
Excuse to eat candy: Kindly remind Mom and Dad that, contrary to popular belief, the sugar in candy does not cause hyperactivity. That contention has been backed up by a Vanderbilt University study. Other researchers have determined that chocolate, though tasty, isn't addictive. The National Confectioners Association even points to research at Penn State University that says chocolate may help lower cholesterol.
Excuse to eat ice cream: The typical American eats ice cream 2.2 times a week, according to a report by Mintel Consumer Intelligence. Unless you get ice cream more than twice a week, you're getting less than other kids. And that's good reason to whine, "It's not faiiiiir!"
Excuse not to go to medical school: The school year is starting and career-minded parents want their kids to become doctors. But are doctors happy? Many are not, according to a survey published earlier this year in Medical Economics. The magazine says 33 percent of gynecologists have unsatisfying love lives.
There's also a good excuse not to marry a doctor. The same survey says 18 percent of married ophthalmologists say they've had at least one affair. Of doctors who do cheat, 36 percent of doctors who cheat do so with nurses, 9 percent with another doctor and 7 percent with patients.
Excuse not to become an accountant: The book on accountancy is that it's the most headache-prone profession. A study by pain reliever Excedrin shows almost half of all accountants suffer headaches during the workweek. About 42 percent of truck drivers and 38 percent of construction workers say their work causes headaches. At the opposite end of the scale, only 20 percent of homemakers say they suffer headaches while working.
Excuse not to go to college: The more you go to school, the less often you have sex.
A study by the University of Chicago's National Opinion Research Center finds that high school graduates have sex 58 times a year — a higher annual average than those folks with fancy diplomas.
College grads only score 56 times a year in the bedroom. And those with graduate degrees have the least sex of all — a mere 50 times a year.