I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control centre. Today, this woman called in very
upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her the ants are not harmful and there would
be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened to
mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.
Idiot #2
Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a liferaft from one of the 747s.
They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the river, they were surprised
bya Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator that is activated when the raft is inflated.
They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Idiot #3
A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked in to the branch and wrote,"This iz a stikkup.Put all your
munyinthisbag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller,
he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window.
So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line,he handed his note to
the Wells Fargo teller. He read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't
the brightest light in the harbour, told him that he could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of
America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left. He was arrested few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back
at the Bank of America.
Idiot #4
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car.
He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car.
Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.
Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture - of handcuffs.
Idiot #5
A Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer.
After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf.
He told the cashierto put it in the bag as well, but he refused,"Because I don't believe you are over 21".
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him.
At this point the robber took his driver's licenseout of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.
The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag.
The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and
address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
Idiot #6
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.
The firstone shouted, "Nobody move!". When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
Idiot #7
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly.
He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor
store window, grab some booze, and run.
So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the
window.
The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
head, knocking him unconscious.
Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass.
The whole event was caught on videotape.
