If you are in a high-speed car chase you will always encounter the following obstacles: a blind man, a street vendor selling
fruit, a one-way street, a pile of empty cardboard boxes, a wobbly old man on a bike carrying a string of onions and,
finally, a sign saying 'Bridge ahead incomplete'.
Move to New York as everyone can afford huge studio apartments,
regardless of their income.
If you start dancing on the street everyone else will know all
the steps.
A car won't start trying to know you off the road until
immediately after you spot it in your rear-view mirror.
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to
one another.
Cars always skid around corners.
Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to
cut. You will always choose the right one.
At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the
communications system of any invading alien society.
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight
involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to
attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner
until you have knocked out their predecessors.
Bad guys always shoot worse than good guys.
When you turn out the light to go to bed everything in your
bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down
three days before their retirement.
During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a
strip club at least once.
All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French
bread.
The chief of the Police is always black
The chief of the chief is always an trying to sack you
No matter how busy the city is, you can always find a parking space right in front of where you must be going
No matter how busy the street is, you always have space enough to make a U-turn, preferably skidding
During a car chase, the cops are stopped only by other cops crashing into their cars
You can drive full-throttle a busy street in the wrong direction, other drivers will always avoid collision
A cop can only find the killer when he’s sacked or ready to be
All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach up to the
armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying
beside her.
Anyone can land a plane providing there's someone in the control
tower to talk you down.
Once applied lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba
diving.
You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you
make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart
back home.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating
but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary
to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every
few moments.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large
red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from
duty.
If you are being chased in a city you can usually blend into a
crowd of carnival revellers.
If you are a teenager you will die horribly after having sex.
You must pick up your phone after the first ring or the other
person will assume you are out and hang up.
If you are a woman who is running away from someone you will trip
and fall.
Drivers: avoid being attacked by a Tyrannosaurus Rex by keeping a
glass of water on your dashboard. The sudden appearance of
rhythmical ripples on
the surface of the water will provide ample warning that a large
dinosaur is approaching.
If you succeed in killing a monster, never check to see if it's
really dead.
Never search the basement, especially during a power cut.
If you only have one bullet / missle left it is guaranteed to be
a successful shot.
also ...
The Four Laws of Cartoons
1. Anyone suspended in space will remain in space until made
aware of their position.
2. Anyone passing through solid matter will leave a breach
concomitant with their periphery.
3. A cat will take on the shape of its container.
4. Everything falls faster than an anvil.
5. Any pain comes only after having noticed the harmful element
6. Explosions never kill, They just leave you blackened with spiky hair
7. Dogs actually do talk
8. Dogs bark only when chasing cats
9. There is only one place in the middle of a desert where a train will be coming, that’s exactly where you stand
10. To escape a train chasing you in the desert, you can run only on its tracks for about a mile before going aside
Many Thanks to Vincent Empain for the Extra Updates to this page
