10 things you should not say to a Speed Cop

1. I bet this shiny new 50 cent piece can make you forget the whole thing.

2. Never mind speed - is there anywhere I can score some hash in this dump of a county?

3. When are you going to get a real job? Your mother and I are worried sick about you.

4. No, I have no idea how fast I was going - but my beer was splashing all over the place.

5. Do you know how much tax I paid last year? I pay your bloody wages!

6. What is that you're jabbering - some sort of local dialect? Speak English, dammit!

7. I have a special licence to speed - look, it says "Tear along the dotted line" right there.

8. I know you're just doing your job, guard, and to see that makes me so proud to be the eldest son of the Minister for Justice.

9. Was that you I saw in the Irish Gay Pride march? I think it shows real courage for a guard to come out like that.

10. Well, look, you'd hardly travel at the national speed limit when trying to get through Limerick, now would you ?

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